Music is my boyfriend.

A slightly startled Miss S here,

Oh my! Definitions can be tricky and it seems there are some things that need to set straight. When I named this blog Miss S, The world through the eyes of a Melbourne mistress I was utilising the word mistress in the form of an old-fashioned address, as in;

a woman who has authority, control, or power, esp. the female head of a household, institution, or other establishment.

or

a women who is skilled in something, as an occupation or art.

or

a woman who has the power of controlling or disposing of something at her own pleasure: mistress of a great fortune.

NOT

a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, esp. a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.

Tut, tut! What a presumption! You wonderfully naughty minded people you!

What I do in my private life is my business... oh wait but I tell you all about it on here anyway. Well, if I start letching after well to do married men any time in the future consider all of the afore mentioned definitions to be true... and expect this blog to heat up. Does anyone per chance know any maharajahs that are a little bit into bubbly-buxom-brunette-bloggers? *silence* Didn't think so.

All By Myself

Thinking over the afore mentioned mistaken definition of my relationship status, I have realised something shocking! I have been single for more than a year now! WHAT?!
 
Up until the last fifteen months I have been notoriously known as a taken long term relationship type girl, having not been single for more than a few months since I was sixteen. I should point out that I was even engaged at nineteen... just to reinstate my point. I've not had many boyfriends, four to be precise. So how did this dramatic change come about without me noticing? I'll tell you how dear readers. Mid last year I moved from Adelaide, S.A. and left behind all of my friends and family. I (as this blog has strongly suggests) moved to Melbourne, Vic. I moved with the idea that I would take a year long sabbatical, see what it was like to be forced into the state of a social chameleon. I would be forced, having moved not knowing any one person well, to learn to actively socialise and meet new people. I did meet new people. I met new exciting, kind and delightful people. I also met a new way of life, shook it firmly by the hand and welcomed it to stay graciously.

So this doesn't explain why I'm single - I know... I'm getting there, be patient. I moved from Adelaide, where I felt I had fallen into a rut. I didn't feel as if my life was moving forward, or as if I was able to express myself. I was also BORED! I would constantly have to be in a relationship to be distracted from how unhappy I was with my life. Which is a shit reason to be in a relationship. Since moving to Melbourne I wouldn't say that I've taken great steps to make myself feel as if I'm moving toward one particular goal and although I have had my little love affairs and heart aches I haven't been bored and I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am - I haven't needed someone to entertain me. I can entertain myself. I have also rediscovered my absolute love of music. As some of you might know, I am a classically trained singer and grew up with a very musical influence in my father. Music faded into the background quite a bit when I had a boy to focus on although it was always still there, waiting for me. Now I go out dancing if I want to, or stay in and crank my favourite tunes loud. I know it probably isn't healthy but I think everyone needs a vice. Something they can turn to. Mine is music. Although it always has been, its nice that its no-longer overshadowed by my lack of confidence. I think music is my boyfriend. Actually I think music is my life partner. A love that will never fade.

Well that was all a little deeply analytical and serious...

Hey look... a distracting song.

CSS - Music is My Hot Hot Sex live in Paris

 

and if that wasn't enough to distract you

... A bunny!

Awww cute bunny... but that's quite enough of that!

On to a most pressing subject

Tea censorship

Tea, tea is a lovely wonderful thing. It is calming, refreshing and altogether pleasant... so for the amount of tea they drink why are the British so freaking grumpy? I mean honestly? If I were a Brit I'd be in heaven. For goodness sake! They have the BBC, the West End, Sir David Attenborough to listen to and royalty to laugh at. Why are they so freaking miserable? Well like anything and everything - I have a theory on this. I believe that nature has genetically engineered the Brits to be kill joys. Hey, someone's gotta do it. Australians are noted world over for their laid back approach to life (aka for being lazy bums), the German's for their efficiency (having a stick up their arses) and Americans for being very patriotic (racist). I think mother nature likes to stereotype people.

KIDDING! I don't actually think this at all. I have a sound belief that we as human beings are all the same in that we are varied on an individual basis. Cultural surroundings do attribute to our behaviour... this has nothing to do with our race, culture and race are different things, look it up. However reflect on the paragraph above. How much of that did you find yourself chuckling about and nodding your head to? If you were, why do you think that is? Is it because you think its true? Is it because you are racist? Or is it because you simply find the absurdity of racist accusations hilarious? Is it that you, like me imagine in your minds eye a nation struck by a pandemic of grumpiness? Do you imagine a race of people, a nation where no one is happy and even the dogs frown? Well I do! I don't think I am racist at all - if anything I am a huge racial equality supporter. But if you want to know the truth... racist jokes make me laugh almost every time. Not because I want to arm my self with a baseball bat and go 'paky bashing' or commit any sort of horrible race hate crime. Its because... the thought amuses me. There is also the fact that it is so socially taboo to engage in this type of humour.

So why do people get so upset?

I think its because they are scared to be honest. Scared and in a way a little bit bored. Society like controversy, we like the chance to form opinions and take sides, whether we like to admit it or not. Sometimes we go too far though. Sometimes, I think things get taken a little too seriously. Take for example the infamous sketch that pretty much ended The Chaser's War on Everything.

Make a realistic wish foundation sketch

This sketch is cringe worthy which is apt as it falls under the genre of Cringe Humour. It is ingenious as a cringe humour sketch. The thing is, it really was meant as a joke though. Did ANYONE for one second think that The Chaser meant that sick and dying children didn't deserve the best they could possibly be given? NO! They're comedians, its literally by definition their job to make the public laugh, and like most hard working people they will do anything and try their best to get the job done. This joke is funny because it isn't funny, which is what cringe comedy is.  Now I understand that this particular joke isn't for everyone. Its again very dark, but such an uproar over something that was actually made to make people feel better? Seems a little ridiculous. - aside from the matter of this having simply been a joke, there are other issues at hand. The public's uproar about this sketch soon saw the end of The Chaser's War on Everything. Instances like this are a huge problem when it comes to censorship in Australia. The fact of the matter is, no one is making you watch anything on public access television. No one has you strapped to a chair with your eyes wired open. So hey oh my gosh, I have this brilliant idea, if you don't like The Chaser or whatever is on the channel you're watching, you could like use that little remote thing-a-my and change it or turn the TV off. Leave the room. Go for a walk. Call your mum for a chat. All fine ideas but PLEASE don't ring up and make a fuss because you were offended are bored with your life and have anger management issues. Its not the Chaser's fault you have a different sense of humour. Is it? I don't like Dad jokes. I don't get dad's the world over silenced. I HATE Home and Away and its still on. Why ruin something other people enjoy because you don't get it?  Jokes were invented and designed to make us laugh. If comedy was made to sincerely insult or degrade on a personal level, comedians would be even poorer than they already are now.

Oh and if the internet gets censored. I quit. That would be fucking bullshit. Free country, yeah, right, whatever you say Mr. Bullshit Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Can you believe we don't even technically have freedom of speech in this country? - I can't even get into that right now. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. 

So glad I finally got that off my chest.

Night night

xx Miss S